At a recent gathering of men at my church, the pastor asked us to quietly reflect on Jesus washing the feet of his disciples (Matt. 13:1-17). When I contemplated the thought of Jesus washing my feet, I sensed that the love of Jesus was penetrating the darkness of my soul. This is an uncomfortable thought for me. Psalm 112:4 tells us, “Even in darkness light dawns on the upright.” Then during a recent small group meeting I had the vision of Jesus walking with me in my inner basement. It was dark, but I felt safe with Jesus. “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, the darkness is as light to you.” (Ps 139:11-12)
I have been going through a dark time lately on my journey. I have learned over the years that these “dark” or “desert” times are a normal part of my spiritual growth. But this latest episode seems to be touching on areas of my life that I thought I had already dealt with, especially as it relations to my father wounds and my mother issues. What I am learning and I want to share with the men reading this blog is the realization that transformation of the soul has a spiral type movement to it trajectory. The light penetrates deeper. You may think that a certain aspect of your story has been healed and transformed. But this may only be the first layer exposed to the healing light. Trust me, there will be other layers. We can only handle so much light at a time. Our heavenly Father knows when we are ready for the next round of healing.
So what would I advise from my own experience? First, keep your focus on the Lord, not on your condition. Accept what is happening as from the Lord. I find reassurance in these words from Isaiah 42:16, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” (Is 42:16). God will lead you through and into the light. But you need to go through the process of letting him turn your darkness into light . Secondly, find someone who you can talk with regarding the condition of your soul. If you are experiencing a dark time that is the result of the Lord leading you into new places of healing, you will need some reassurance that your walk with God is not “coming of the rails.”
Thirdly, keep a positive attitude to your condition as you wait for the clouds to part and for the sunshine to brake through. I have to admit that I am struggling with keeping positive. I don’t like the darkness of not knowing what God is doing in my soul. But I must remember that it is his work, done in his way and in his timing. I need to keep my spiritual eyes and ears open to see and hear what God might be trying to tell me. Praise God, I am starting to get some insight. It starts out rather vague, but slowly become more clear.
I know this is a very personal blog. But I sense it is meant for someone specifically who reads my blogs regularly. You are struggling in the dark. Be assured that it is the healing light that is present, exposing the darkness. Don’t run from what God is doing.