Men, I am learning more and more to live in the darkness. I love the Michael W. Smith song, “Light to You.” It is based on Ps.139: 11-12, “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is a light to you.”
Darkness will descends upon us in our walk with the Lord, when we find ourselves in circumstances in which we are not able find a solution for the lack of peace and “the heaviness of soul.” Our effort and understanding will not produce any lasting results. There will not seem to be a way out. Let me tell you, God is in the very center of what is going on if your desire is to know God
For me it has gotten to the point, where I just want to go away and hide from reality. I am confessing to you men that it is similar to a little boy curling up in the womb living in self pity. I testify to you men that the darkness has been significant lately.
I am so thankful for those who have helped me integrate more of the teaching of St John of the Cross in my walk with Jesus. He informs us that “faith is like a ray of darkness.” I read that years ago and it made little sense to me. Now I am starting to get. I am learning to trust God in the darkness. I hope it is an encouragement to a brother reading this post.
The key is what I desire. I desire God more then anything else. Desire takes me beyond my thinking and doing. I have come to the understanding that God loves me unconditionally. I do not say that lightly. To come to such a confession has meant being able to surrender and trust God’s goodness.
The key lately has been allowing the love of God to penetrate into the deeper parts of my soul; what St John calls “the caverns of the soul.” It is there that I can be found curled up in a womb-like position out of fear, filled with self pity as to what is going on in my every day life.
I testify to you men that there is nothing I can do accept receive God’s love for me. Since I don’t understand what is going on nor can I fix my condition, it is really a “ray of darkness.”
Why is it darkness? God’s light is so bright that it overwhelms my understanding of what is going on. I just have to let it happen. By being open and willing to receive I create space for God to enter and bring healing.
I know today as I write this blog, that the Lord is bringing new healing to the “caverns of my soul.” My advice is as follows: First, desire God above all things in our life. Second, open your heart to receive the love of God, thus making space for his presence to bring healing to your “wound.” Thirdly, accept the darkness. Faith is like a “ray of darkness” doing God’s healing work in your soul.
Then remember your desire to want to be free. Only God can bring you lasting freedom from your bondage and brokenness. At this moment I testify to you that I can celebrate the freedom that He has given me. I don’t want to go back to depending on my attempts to patch up my wounded soul.